The most illogical thing that's ever happened in my life?

I'm a realist.

Like, when having a heartbreak, an optimist will say, "I believe I can get through this. Move on and be with a better person."

A pessimist will say, "I don't think I can live without him. I can't find a better person than him."

As a realist, I will probably think like, "According to science, it will only take 3 months to get over him. So, just suck it up, Jen. There are too many other important things to think than just wasting my time to think about love."

So, back to the topic.
When I heard this specific story about how my parents met, it completely blew my mind.

Like, seriously.

Especially when I am a realist. It just....shocked me even more.

The thing is, my parents met through a wrong phone call.
Yes, you guys read that right.

My father dialed a wrong number, and my mom answered that phone call.
They talked and talked.
Then decided to meet up.
Be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Get married.
And boom! I popped out.

Just joking, I got you!

Okay, no. I'm not joking. Seriously, that's how my parents met. I can swear to you in the name of anything that I am not lying.

It might sound very illogical at first. It also might sound like some cliche movie plot or something. BUT IT'S TRUE, GUYS!

Can you imagine being me? Realizing that if maybe that day, when my father dialed the wrong number, and my mom was not at home to answer it?
I may not be born.

Or when my father dialed the wrong number, it wasn't my mom who answered it. Maybe it's my mom's sibling or it's someone else who answered it.
I may not be born.

There are too many possibilities out there. That if I write it all down, you will be too bored to read it.

What I want to say is, that it was a miracle that my father called my mother. One wrong digit, and it's not my mother's phone number anymore.
It was really a miracle.

As a realist, it's damn hard to believe in something illogical, lovey-dovey story like that. Especially when that illogical story involves my existence in this world.

But it did happen.
Sometimes impossible things do happen, and we call them miracles.

I might not believe in miracles before. But I might try to believe in it now.
Heck, it was the cause of my existence in this world.

I've read this somewhere,
"We live in a blue planet that circles around a ball of fire, next to a moon that moves the sea. And you don't believe in miracles?"
:)

Depression

People these days use the word "depression" way too much.

"I forgot to bring my wallet! I'm depressed!"
"I'm so depressed right now. I still have too much homeworks to do."

The word slowly loses its real meaning. The word "depression" somehow turned into something normal.

That it's normal to be depressed.
For eventually, somehow, everyone will get depressed, right?

Now, let's turn back time for a little bit.

Just about a month ago, I got depressed.
And no.
No, I'm not exaggerating.

I have a huge problem.

It started, like, around 6 years ago.
But I somehow managed to survive all those stressful years.
Until last month.

Last month, I cried. A lot.
I cried before I sleep.
I cried while I was studying.
Once, I even cried when I was eating.

It's hard for me. I'm tearing up just because of writing this.
Yes, it's that hard for me.

Then one day, I decided that I've had enough. I've waited for those 6 damn years and nothing good ever happened. It's still the same.

I couldn't wait for another 6 years with no guarantee that a miracle will somehow pop out in my life.
I just couldn't. I've had enough.

I really thought that I should kill myself.

Cutting my veins will do.
And it will be less hurtful, I think.

But before I do it, I talked to one of my best friends about my problems.
I thought, if I die, at least someone will have to know why.

Luckily, she succeed into making me to think twice and not to kill myself.
Or else, you won't even be able to read this post right now.

This may sounds easy for you. But believe me, I'm a hella stubborn girl.
It's a miracle that she could talk me out of it.

I'm telling you my story not because I want to be pitied or such.

I just want to tell you. That if you are having a hard time right now. Never, for God's sakes, keep it to yourself.
I repeat, never.

Talk about your problems to your friends. To your family members. Anyone.
It helps a lot. Trust me.

This may not sound convincing. But trust me, it helps.

If you really have no one to talk to, just talk to me (okay this sounds weird). But really. I'll welcome you with open arms.

Depression is not an unimportant case. It's severe.
I've been through it. Heck, I'm still getting through it.

It's not easy. But I swear that things will get better tomorrow.

But what if it's not?

Then you say it again tomorrow. Because things might get better. You'll never know.
At some point, tomorrow will be better.
:)

-JElim